Series on Suffering: Racism and Stereotyping

From the pain of wanting, yearning, waiting for life, we go to the ache caused by being misunderstood.  And while a failure to understand the Creator is often born from infertility, racism is born from a failure to understand the most valued creation of all -- mankind.  

My guest today, Olivia*, has graciously agreed to talk on the deeply painful, usually awkward, sometimes shameful topics of racism and stereotyping.  I wish you could all personally meet Olivia and her husband and their kids.  I'm blessed to have people like them in my life.  God's grace.

Thank you for your interest in this Series on Suffering and specifically in today's post.  Readers like you can make a difference.  Change is first inspired from wanting to know.

 (*Name has been changed.)



Christan: Thank you, Olivia, for your willingness to discuss something so painful to some and yet so completely ignored by others.  Your honesty and grace is admired.  Tell us about your family.

Olivia: I was born and raised in Chicago with my parents, younger sister and brother. My mother is from a small town in Mississippi and my Dad from a small town in Haiti.  They moved to Chicago around the same time in the early '60s.  My father is a Pastor and my mother a teacher.  I met my husband in college. 

  
Christan: How is St. Louis different from Chicago in regards to racial segregation?

Olivia: St. Louis... I continue to find St. Louis to be a really interesting place to live, basically when it comes to race.  Chicago is identified by many as one of the most segregated towns in America.  It is very polarized, but in those racially segregated places, you find a huge variety of economic backgrounds from the very affluent African American all the way down to the poor.  And the same for the white side of town.

Here in St. Louis, I find race and economics are inextricably linked.  You can find out so much just by learning where one went to high school or what neighborhood a person a person calls hom.  Those things also tell you so much about where a person is economically.  It's a sad thing -- being a person of color in this town, you're automatically linked to the lowest income bracket.  Judgments typically made here can't divorce race and economics. 

Christan: What's your first personal memory of racism?

Olivia: I don't have a specific memory of racism particularly toward me.  I understood it.  My father was kind of an activist in his early days and worked for the Urban League, so he did a lot of work around those issues.  I heard it talked about quite a bit.  My father's family -- all of his siblings have white spouses and they're all affluent -- is so different from my mom's side of the family.  So, race was always a factor in our conversations, but I didn't label differences or stereotypes as "racism".  I still don't.

My clearest understanding of what racism really is wasn't until college, when I really began to understand what institutionalized racism is.  That's when I learned that I was part of a group that was impacted by that.

Christan: What's institutionalized racism?

Olivia: It's, in my opinion, the most impacting form of racism in today's society.  It's the idea that structures and institutions -- anything from teachers to the government to churches to the media -- all define how we view things.  And because of America's history, even though we feel somewhat removed from the personal, one-on-one acts of overt racism, in some ways, we're still affected by ideas that marginalize people of color in ways that we don't even recognize in the everyday.

So for example, hiring practices can be an institution.  If the expectations of a potential employee are much more easily met by a white person than a person of color, that becomes institutionalized racism even if the person creating those standards never intended it to exclude certain people groups.

The media, too, is an institution in that if the faces a child sees on television fit a demographic that is different than their own, they can develop ideas about themselves, about their beauty and their value, even if that never was the intention of the person that developed the show or designed the network.
Christan: How were you stereotyped as a child and teenager?

Olivia:  My parents are strong believers in Christ, and raised me to know that my first identity was in Christ.  I was stereotyped often -- more by people of my own race than by whites.  For a long time, I was mostly in that African American community, and I stood out for a number of reasons.  My parents always reminded me to find my identify in Christ and that when people said mean things or put me in categories it was because of their own insecurities.

Christan: Specifically, what did you experience?

Olivia: Well, I mean, I happen to be very fair skinned in a community where unfortunately we have our own issues of internalized racism.  We separate ourselves into groups and attribute identities to each other based on those groups.  Those are consequences of wounds of our country's history.  People accused me of thinking I was prettier or smarter than they were... things that I didn't believe and never communicated.  A lot of mean things said to me were around academics and my desire to do well in school.

Christan: In your experiences, has the Church ever addressed racism?

Olivia: Growing up --  this is something I talk to a lot of people about -- I grew up in a black church.  Racism doesn't even feel like a subject in the black church.  It's just something we talk about often and easily...

Christan: It's just the world you live in.

Olivia: Yes, it's just the world you live in.  It's almost hard to identify a moment in time... it could come out in any conversation.  Any pastor is going to communicate to the group at large, meeting them where he knows they are.  When we talk about suffering -- because suffering is a huge part of the Christian life -- we often talk about the suffering of racism because that's a reflection of our country.  It's sort of common place.

However, I'm no longer in a black church, and it's challenging to realize how the sermon -- even though amazing and always speaking to my heart -- is from a perspective that is not my own.  One always communicates from their frame of reference... you can't really change that.  I think that's probably one of the greatest reasons for division among races when it comes to the Church.  We have our stuff that we need to deal with - our history and preferences -- those kind of things.  But the way that the Gospel registers to different groups can really make a difference.

In my current church, racism was not something we really talked about until we started to support our leadership in that way.

Christan: What sort of things are you doing to help foster this awareness in your church?

Olivia: It's really a dialogue at this point.  I recently did a training with the church staff, and it went really well.  It's really hard for people to hear.. it's that whole idea that you're sinful in this way.  When I tell people they're capable of racism, and its the first time they've ever heard it, it's as if I just stabbed them -- especially a Believer who has a heart for communities of people with color.  We're having conversations, and that's progress.

Christan: Do you ever feel like your children are still stereotyped?

Olivia:  That's been the most challenging part of my experience.  I'm watching what my own spouse and children are experiencing and really am trying to see it through the right lens.  Helping the community grow in its awareness and appreciation for diversity and then looking at things as a mother -- it's enough to make me a little crazy. 

It's really around social issues... watching closely to make sure they're not marginalized or feeling isolated in environments where they are the minority.  I've found it to be more internal than external. I've had to have conversations with my kids that I never thought I would -- particularly with my daughter who is starting to identify what beauty is.  She's saying things like, "I want my hair to be flat down."  I'm often asking her questions to probe where she is... she'll tell me that she wants her eyes to be blue, and if she could pick her hair color, she'd want it to be blonde.  She's been around every race, color, creed from the time she was born.  Our family is like a rainbow.  And that's what she's identifying as beauty?!  I mean, not that that's not beauty, too, but she doesn't see herself as the ideal at all.

Christan: Where do you think that's coming from?

Olivia: Well, I think being a minority in her classroom has an impact.  She's extremely perceptive, so media can definitely influence her.  But I saw it more when she entered school.  When I probed my son recently, he told me he used to wish he had light brown skin but once I told him that the melanin in our skin protects us from the sun, he started to be happy he had brown skin.  And so that's an interesting component.  With my daughter, sometimes I feel like I don't know how to deal with it, so I start wondering if it's me.  My kids have me in a different category because of my lighter shade of skin.  Already.  And so, I wonder if my daughter is really just wanting to identify with me, her mom.  I can't figure it out yet.  So, that's hard.

I don't remember feeling that way as a young child.  I went to an all-black, classical school.  I wish there was a place like that for my kids here -- at this stage in their development -- where they can see themselves in the faces of the other children and see themselves as smart.  But I have put them in an environment where they are the minority.  I struggle with that.  I wonder if they've internalized that.

Christan: How do you keep from being bitter?  Have you been able to forgive people that stereotype your children or your husband?  You don't seem like a bitter person.

Olivia: No, but I definitely have gone through bitter periods.  I'd never say I'm a bitter person because I don't feel resentful toward individuals unless I think they know better.  My biggest struggle is with people that have the information, that know Christ, that understand our sin is something that impacts us, but are still unwilling to use their positions of power and influence to do help others move forward.

But when it comes to society at large, I think I still have bitter moments rather than bitter periods.  Election time.  Often we hear conversations, and we see that people really don't know what they're talking about.

The only way I can move forward is to understand that sin is sin and that one man's sin against a race of people is no different than my sin against my children, my neighbor, my husband.  God is pained at all sin -- my own and others.  If I was in a position of power, I understand I may also abuse that power because we're all victims of racial conditioning in this country.  I pray for God to give me opportunities to make an impact rather than just being bitter about it.

Christan: Has God redeemed the brokenness at all?  Have you seen things resolved in your life?  Have you seen people change?

Olivia: I think I recognize redemption when I'm most open to Him.  It occurs when I take a step a faith and initiate a conversation with someone who hurt me.  He's shown me His grace.  I see redemption in that so many ask for forgiveness and are willing to admit their fault.  They might not understand the big picture, but they seek reconciliation, too. 

I need to look more for redemption on a larger scale.  I see it in relationships, but I'm waiting to experience it institutionally.  I've read about it.  I've heard about it.  But I'm waiting to experience it.  I want to be a part of it. 

Christan: How else are you helping to educate others?
Olivia:  When I do trainings in school districts, I present history and give new ways of thinking.  Racism is often thought about as person on person, but we need to think about the greater impact it has institutionally on people of color.  We must help people to think about the big picture - about things society is doing every day it just doesn't realize.

You know, why do I personally think that a person who walks in looking a certain way might be of harm for me? Or might be less educated than me?  And I stop and think, "Did I really just perceive that?!  Did I really just think that way?!"

Christan: I think that's hard as a parent.  My husband and I are just starting to deal with that with our oldest child (age 10).  He's wanting to wear certain articles of clothing, and as parents, we know how culture perceives those items.  That's a tough thing... we don't want to be a self-righteous, pretentious family, nor do we want to make him hyper aware of what others' think.  We're wondering when to fight perceptions and when to just comply with the way culture views things.

Olivia: Yes, and that is the constant reality for people of color.  I'm constantly having to think how to instruct my children, knowing that if they don't do things a certain way, they'll be perceived a certain way.  I've said this to groups before with tears in my eyes -- I know I'm harder on my kids.  And I feel like sometimes they don't have a choice -- they have to be better.  They can't be mediocre because for them to be mediocre, means they'll be way behind the ball in this culture.

I realize, in retrospect, that's why I have the education I do.  In first grade, my dad said, "You got all A's, but these could be all A+'s".  I have a loving dad, but in everything I did, perfection was the standard.  He never told me it was because I was of color.  But I understood mediocrity wasn't an option.  That's a heavy pressure for a child.  For a person.

Christan: And for a parent. 

Olivia: (nodding) And for a parent.  Exactly.

Christan: Is there anything else you'd like my readers to know?

Olivia: Racism is bigger than any of us realize, but God is also bigger than any of us realize.  These issues can only be resolved as we recognize that racism is a sin of an individual, as well the sin of a nation.  We have to see it as sin, just like we view our selfishness or our pride.

If we don't look at racism closely, we'll miss it.  And we'll miss the opportunity to help redeem this nation, particularly in the Church.  If the Church could get this right, the world can see that they are getting it more and more wrong.

Institutionalized racism is a huge thing.  Just because you have black friends doesn't mean you don't struggle with racism.  It's not that simple anymore.  We have to work harder to unpack it than we did fifty years ago.  It's now woven into the fabric of this nation and people of color are falling further and further.  The gap is getting bigger and bigger.

....................................... 

And I'm stunned by how sin infiltrates every aspect of our lives and how desperately Satan will use his tools to prevent people from being in relationship with one another.  He is the master deceiver, and he's running rampantly through the streets in this country every day, deceiving men and women who then go and deceive their children... and the generational sin of stereotyping is extended into yet another future group of people.  Even among Christians.

If you're Caucasian, pray for God to reveal how you might make a difference on your tiny page in the Great Story.  What if this is the reason God has allowed us to live in America instead of being born into a society that imprisons and tortures Christians?  What if?  What if He's calling us to heal wounds in our country's history?  What would it look like if the Body of Christ became relentlessly intentional in restoring and redeeming the darkest times in our nation's past? Many corporations and school districts are making it almost easy for us to get involved by organizing cultural awareness groups and diversity committees.

And if you're a person of color, please keep speaking the truth.  Olivia was bold enough to pick up the phone one day and graciously explain how an action I'd done at work was reinforcing racial stereotypes in St. Louis.  And I never would have dreamed I would have a part in that... I thought of myself as one who did the opposite.  But that's what community looks like... we sanctify each other by loving, by embracing grace and truth and forgiveness.

The world talks of tolerance.  As Christians, we're called to so much more.  If we believe all people are created in the image of God, we should run toward those who are different from us.  Diversity is more than just peacefully co-existing with different people.  We must understand that we desperately need each other.  We need others to help pull us beyond ourselves.  We learn so much about our Maker by interacting with those from different cultural backgrounds, different stories, different experiences.  We see facets of His character revealed in the people He created, the people He loves.

Let's join Him in loving others.  And be relentless about it.

See you Thursday when we talk about healing after a broken marriage.